


The Truth is, I Gave My Heart Away a Long Time Ago, My Whole Heart, and I Never Really Got it Back

by I_have_a_Mycroft_of_my_very_own



Series: Not-Quite-A-Warlock [3]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Immortal Alec
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-23
Updated: 2018-05-23
Packaged: 2019-05-10 12:07:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14736686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_have_a_Mycroft_of_my_very_own/pseuds/I_have_a_Mycroft_of_my_very_own
Summary: In which words are said, Magnus meets someone special, Alec gets a lecture, and someone's true name is revealed





	The Truth is, I Gave My Heart Away a Long Time Ago, My Whole Heart, and I Never Really Got it Back

**Author's Note:**

> In my mind, Magna is played by Grace Park
> 
> Title is from Sweet Home Alabama

 

_It is the distance,_  
_That makes life a little hard._  
_Two minds that once were close,_  
_Now so many miles apart._  
~Astræa, You Are Not Alone

* * *

“Why five years?” Magnus asks, when they’re watching on the balcony as the sun goes down, martinis held in their hands. Alec freezes at the question, stares down into his drink, and Magnus thinks he won’t reply, when he does.

“I told myself I’d give you ten years.” Alec replies, sucking in a breath. “I’d give you ten years to put me behind you and move on, and I’d never, ever reveal myself to you, let you live and love someone else.” He explains, Magnus feels like something cold has gripped his heart and he goes to speak but Alec cuts him off. “I told myself ten years, because you’d probably think me dead, and I didn’t know if you’d even want to love me anymore when you discovered what I did, what I have done, what I will do. So, I said ten years, and then Magna called last night, told me you were crying at everyone who would sit still long enough to listen, about your angel, who you loved and lost and would never stop looking for. So, I told myself, five years instead, five years is just long enough, and you haven’t moved on. So.”

“You made a choice, for both of us.” Magnus says, voice shaking with anger.

“I made that choice… five years ago.” Alec answers, turning to look at him. “I made that choice, and I’d make it again, a thousand, thousand times. I made it for you, after what happened with Valentine, when you body swapped. I don’t-I don’t really remember all that much of that time, but I remember you telling me how helpless you felt without your magic. I remember you crying for hours in the middle of the night. I remember you throwing your magic around on every little thing for the next few weeks, because you were so _relieved_ to have it back. And then you bartered it away, for Jace, for _me_. You made that choice _for me_ , and I made the choice for you to get it back. And this choice, the choice to stay away for five years, ten, longer. I was being selfish. Magna and- Magna aside, I haven’t let anyone love me so deeply since I lost Heta, that was… Gods, that was far, far too long ago, and here I was, given the choice to let someone in, let someone slip straight back into my life, in a way I always knew they would, or I could stay away, protect myself, hope they left me in the past, so I wouldn’t have to give them my heart again. But you’ve always had my heart. I realize that now.”

“Alexander-“

“At the dawn of human kind, you had my heart. Through the darkest, longest nights of human and Downworld history, you’ve had my heart. Before you were even born, I was walking around this earth, _bleeding_ for you, _breathing_ for you. Everywhere I went, I’d make a memory, and seal it away to protect it from time, so one day, when I came back to you, I could tell you all about it. So, I was being selfish, Magnus. I was trying to deny you something that was already yours, something that has always been yours. Shadowhunters love once, fiercely, apparently, so do Not-Quite-Warlocks. Across all the thousands, and thousands of years, I’ve never loved anyone like I love you.” Alec tells him, heartfelt and sure, his voice shaking over his words as the emotion builds in him.

“Oh, my darling.” Magnus whispers, putting his drink down and moving across the space between them, he gently tugs Alec’s drink away, puts it down, and sinks down into Alec’s lap, wraps his arms around him, buries his face in his neck. “I would have found a way to be at your side, through all of it, if I could.”

“I know. But you didn’t, and I made it back to you anyway, my selfishness aside.”

“You were really just going to let me go?”

“Yes, no, I don’t know.” Alec answers, letting out a bitter little laugh. “I don’t think Magna would have let me. Eventually, she would have gotten sick of my pining, and she would have dropped in on you wearing glamour, told you everything you needed to know to find me, and then she would have come home, smiling at me like the innocent cherub she is _not,_ and I never would have known how you found out, but you would have. And we’d be back where we are now.”

“I could have moved on.” Magnus points out, even as he tastes ashes in his mouth at the very thought.

“You could have, but I think you’d have come to see me, even if you had already given your heart to another.” Alec replies, playing with Magnus’ hair.

“You’re right, Alexander. I would have scoured the city until I found you, the moment Magna told me you were alive, I’d have been searching for you with everything that I had. I _hate_ leaving things unfinished, darling.” Alec laughs, feels so much lighter than he did when this conversation started.

“I’ve learnt to let things be. There’s always going to be unfinished business, that’s just life.”

* * *

After their little heart to heart, they sit together in a comfortable silence, holding tightly to each other, reveling in the other’s presence, until the calm is shattered by someone pounding on Magnus’ door. Magnus let’s out a little growl, but is already pulling himself to his feet, Alec scowls at the doorway and wraps himself in glamour, to conceal his very presence, Magnus gets a pained look on his face, and reaches out, his hand connecting with Alec’s chest and he breathes out in relief.

“I’m here.” Alec whispers, Magnus nods, and goes to answer the door, finds an unfamiliar woman standing before him, but the next thing he knows, Alec is standing at his side, gently pulling the woman into the loft, and shutting the door behind her. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I’m just here to hurry you on back home, you have a meeting with the Seelie Queen in three hours, and I didn’t expect you to still be _here_. I didn’t actually expect you to spend the night, either, but-“  

“You’re the one who called me!” Alec exclaims, annoyed.

“Yeah, to tell you your boyfriend was still pining over you and it was _pathetic_. I didn’t expect you to drop everything and go be at his side, but I should have.” She snaps at him, throwing a glare Magnus’ way.  “What happened to waiting for ten years?”

“I stopped being an idiot. Why are you so mad?”

“You told me to be careful about who I love, not to rush into _anything_. Yet, here you are!” She exclaims, throwing her arms in the air to emphasize the room around them, her magic becoming visible around her in angry red waves. "Even though you _promised_ me you wouldn't do anything rash!"

“Magna, I already gave my heart away, a thousand, thousand years ago. There’s nothing to rush into, only something to rush _back_ to.” Alec explains, grabbing Magna’s arms and holding her firm. “I know you’re scared things aren’t going to work out and I’ll close you out again, but it’s not like that. Magnus is forever.”

“Okay.” Magna answers, taking a deep breath in and letting it out slowly, her shoulders relaxing, her magic dissipating into nothing. “Okay, I’ll trust you, but if this turns out bad, I’m throwing grandfather at him, and I _won’t_ apologize.”

“You need to stop threatening people with your grandfather, but fine.” Alec replies, rolling his eyes. Magna smirks at him and bats her eyelashes.

“Who me? I’m just a sweet innocent little demon girl who needs protecting from the cruel, cruel world.” She coos, Alec snorts and shakes his head.

“Go home, I’ll be there soon.”

“Fine.” Magna says, reaching up to kiss him on the cheek, then she glares at Magnus and stalks out the loft, the door slamming shut behind her.

“Sorry.” Alec says, rubbing a hand over his face as he turns towards Magnus.

“Why is she so worried? We’re both immortals?”

“Magna had a brother once, he was a werewolf and his family threw him out when they realized what he was. I took him in, and Magna grew to love him like a little brother, and then, eventually as mortals are wont to do, he died, and we both closed ourselves down, closed each other out, to try and stop feeling the pain.” Alec explains, his hands clenched into fists. “Magna is afraid that she could learn to love you, and that we won’t work out, that I’ll close her out again, and she’ll lose you, too.”

“Oh.” Magnus exclaims, eyes wide in surprise. “Well, she’s just going to have to learn that we’ll share the kids in the divorce… not that there’s going to be a divorce.” Magnus says quickly, grinning, Alec laughs.

“I don’t know, I think I could divorce you, just so we could get married again. But… we’d have to get married the first time for that to work, first.”

“Why, my darling, are you proposing to me?”

“No, gods no, if I were proposing, Magnus, you’d know. There’d be a ring, for one.” Alec tells him sounding genuinely horrified. “I _happen_ to be a gentleman.” Magnus laughs, and pulls him into a kiss.

“Mhm, I look forward to the day.” He whispers against Alec’s lips, Alec lets out a shaky little laugh.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” He whispers, before claiming Magnus’ mouth again. It's not long until he's pulling away with a sigh. "I do have to go, Áine's expecting me, and I'd rather not begin our negotiations with her angry at me." 

"Áine?"

"The Seelie Queen, uhm, don't spread that around. I didn't realize you genuinely didn't know her name..." Alec says, quickly, looking earnest, and Magnus sighs.

"Fine."

"Thank you. I'll be back later, as soon as I can." Alec promises, dashing forward to kiss Magnus again, before he pulls back and runs out the door. "Love you!" he calls as the door swings shut.

"I love you, too." Magnus whispers, bringing his fingers up to touch his lips, as he tells himself over and over again that this is not a dream.

* * *

 

 _You're not alone,_  
_You're not alone,_  
_I'll wait 'til the end of time._  
_Open your mind,_  
_Surely there's time to be with me._  
~Astræa, You Are Not Alone

**Author's Note:**

> In Folk Lore, Áine is said to be the Queen of Fairies and a Lady of the Lake, and a great goddess of love and fertility.


End file.
